1.5.8.4 No Happiness Pumps

Version 1.0 October 2022                             (Previous Version)

Valuing Love, in our context, does not require that everyone sacrifice their whole lives to helping others to minimize their suffering and maximize their happiness and well-being. 

●   Self-sacrificing people, if they go to extremes, end up not looking after themselves, and perhaps don't look after their immediate family or those dependent on them, abdicating their responsibility in this area, increasing the harm to that group, and effectively imposing on others the obligation to provide the care that is needed.

●   The compulsion to make such sacrifices may be driven by an excessive sense of guilt, or fear of God, or some other unmet need, and pastoral care or psychological counselling may be appropriate so that such people lead more balanced lives.

●   Extremely self-sacrificing people can provide a bad role model if we want to promote giving to strangers.  Some people may draw the incorrect conclusion that only a supreme sacrifice will do, and very few real people are willing to do that, so they don't contribute at all.  In fact what is preferable is that a high number of people make small sacrifices – small enough so that they will continue giving, but great enough so that they have a significant effect on the very poor.

●   To some extent, we feel that highly self-sacrificing people are models for the rest of us, perhaps even “saintlyâ€� (without the religious connotations of that word).  But rather than laud people whose behaviour is almost impossible to emulate, it may be better to praise those who may have flaws, but overall behave well and genuinely give generously, or perhaps we should praise particular aspects of a person’s behaviour rather the whole of the person’s life.  In practice, many people portrayed as role models should be judged this way, not only religious leaders such as Jesus, Mohammed and Guru Gobind Singh, but also political leaders such as Winston Churchill, Mohandas Gandhi and Nelson Mandela.  Not many people are actually perfect.

To value Love, what we hope for in REALigion is that people do what many aware and concerned global citizens are already doing. 

●   Most people with endure great sacrifices for their family: spouses (who often were once just lovers), children, parents and siblings.  Many parents’ lives are essentially dedicated to looking after the kids, working to pay for accommodation, food, education and health.  For most parents we can't expect much more, and as for the others, they need help.

●   Many adult children also make significant sacrifices to look after their elderly and infirm parents – childering!  Many take the elderly parents into their home, or make significant payments for nursing accommodation and health care.  We accept that in many families the situation is complex and resources are limited.  Unfortunately, many adult children abuse their parents by depriving them of fair access to resources, effectively stealing the parents assets, and controlling parents so that they can't make independent decisions even when they are capable of doing so.  For these latter children we expect more consideration, more compassion.

●   While some people look after friends as if they were family, many people abdicate responsibility for looking after friends, thinking it is the family’s right and obligation.  We are not suggesting friends abuse the family’s position, but they can be intimately involved, and when the family is absent or incompetent, a friend’s involvement could be critical.

●   The controversial area is caring for strangers, in our communities, and even more so for outsiders, foreigners or those who are different.  It is unrealistic, and undesirable to expect that we endure severe sacrifices for ourselves or our families in order to contribute to the welfare of strangers.  But when the sacrifice is minimal, and the potential impact on a need person is great, then we should expect more people to contribute more.  The very affluent should contribute the most.  The most efficient way to contribute to the welfare of strangers is through the major non-government charities, such as Oxfam, World Vision, and the society of the Red Cross and Red Crescent, but many other charities are genuine, efficient, targeted and trustworthy.