1.5.10.8 Personal Responsibility

Version 1.0 October 2022                             (Previous Version)

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This section addresses how we apply this notion of Responsibility to ourselves, rather than the social aspects of Responsibility discussed in previous subsections.

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As the traditional religions remind us, we are merely human, subject to visceral emotions, the feelings they evoke, our physiological and psychological needs and desires.  Despite our best intentions, after we have determined what our core values, we still can struggle to conform to those choices. 

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We acknowledge to ourselves that we are bound in the conundrum that contrary to causality or chaos we choose. We cannot control the thoughts that enter our head.  Mindfulness allows us to watch the process but not control it.  Meditation and mindfulness seems to calm the mind, so that the thoughts passing through are less frenetic, but it is impossible to choose, before we have them, which thoughts to have.  In meditation we may go so far as to empty our mind of thoughts as we normally experience them, which Christians may call kenosis, Buddhists may say is approaching nirvana, and Sufi whirling dervishes may call a mystical union with the divine.  But we don’t control the thoughts we have.

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Making any conscious choice requires the thought to come to mind.  Often we effectively make choices without a conscious thought.  Science tells us that in some circumstances at least we choose to act hundreds of milliseconds before consciously realizing we have done so.

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We can choose to do various things that we know can modify our thinking.  This might involve making a cup of tea, or going outside for a walk, when we are feeling down, knowing that this often lifts our spirits.  We can choose other practices, such as singing Gregorian chants, repeating a mantra, yoga, meditation or whirling, that we anticipate will affect our mental state. 

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We can apply various mental tricks that help us to actually do something we are reluctant to do, like physical exercise, by telling a friend beforehand that we are going to do it, then sharing with them how well we did.  We can promise ourselves a treat after doing the thing – no-one else needs to know. 

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None of this is new or surprising, and none of it is rocket science.

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What we are doing is finding a potentially effective, relevant, proximate intervention to encourage ourselves to avoid causing harm and promote well-being.  We are being responsible, treating ourselves as responsible agents.  To the extent that we choose these actions, we value Personal Responsibility.

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Most people feel regret or guilt when they don't do what they thought they should, especially if the action or inaction caused some hurt or harm.  These unpleasant feelings may motivate us to behave properly next time.  Many people set excessively high standards for themselves then fail to meet them.

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*    Traditional religions have many virtually unobtainable standards.  Buddhism expects practitioners to meditate to achieve nirvana, knowing that very few people actually achieve it.  Christianity expects its adherents to love their enemies, turn the other cheek, and live in poverty.  High standards may come from parental expectations, or from a sense of insecurity.  High standards may come from a school, teacher, mentor or coach: hopefully these standards are realistic and tailored for the person so they are actually achievable, but often they are set to suit the school’s or coach’s agenda instead.  Guilt for failing to achieve ridiculously high standards is unhealthy.  Making someone else feel guilty in such a situation is evil.

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